Light Speed Ahead

Funny how fast the course of life can change. In September of last year I went from being the better half of a 5 year relationship to be single in the matter of two hours. Two weeks later I signed a lease to my very first apartment (ever) and have quickly adapted to the life of a single girl.

This time the changes are just as life altering but still different, they don't hurt. I am gaining a roommate and moving into a bigger place, my best friend from college is coming from Seattle to see me for the first time and I am going to Paris in a few weeks on what will be my first vacation to Europe. The funny thing is that 3 weeks ago the only concrete plan in my life was my friends first visit to Houston. 

3 weeks ago I was invited on a last minute vacation to Paris which of course I said yes to, I leave the same day my Seattle flies back home.

Last week a friend of mine found herself in need of a roommate, so we switched my lease over to a bigger unit...we are moving 2 days before Seattle arrives here for her vacation.

So basically I move on July 1st, Seattle arrives on the 3rd, I leave for Paris on the 8th and come home to a new apartment on the 14th! Did I mention I have to have the current apartment completely empty and cleaned out by the 22nd???

Should be fun, Light Speed Ahead.

Unwarranted Guilt

Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has violated a moralstandard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.^[1] It is closely related to the concept of remorse.

I am a people person. I am happiest when those around me are happy. I seem to make it my life's work to take care of people. 

In someways I worry that my drive to please and car for others gets in the way of caring for myself.  

Today I am preparing to end one of the final things that binds me to my ex. A shared cell phone bill. A shared bill that I have been paying for 6 months. last month he sent me a portion of what he owed me. I am pretty sure he sent it just to get me off his back. So this month rolled around and I realized that he has never sent me anymore and the bill is due again. 

Of course this month he has some financial hardship cause by vet bills of the two cats we had and cannot send me what he owes but can send a little. So unfortunately for him, because I am such a pushover, my parents have taken this on and are going to shutting off his phone if he doesn't pay up.

My question is why do I feel guilty? I feel like I am the bad guy and I hate it. I know this is the best thing to do I just don't want to do it.

Voyeurism is just a more sophistcated term for nosiness...Facebook and Stupid Things

Thank you Facebook for making it all too easy to become a voyeur or certified cyber stalker:

Thanks to Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and Google you can now find more information on someone than you would on a first date!  Not to mention the things you can find out about people you already know. 

Now as far as seeing information on people you already know. I have become all too familiar with the "Hide" feature on Facebook. I can now hide all the Facebook updates of certain people. You know the ones who have to update their status every 30 seconds...or the ones you just haven't had the heart to remove from your friends list. Yes I am a push over and I know it.

Facebook and Stupid Things:

Stupid Thing #1:

Friending a potential date on Facebook. I now believe that this is the kiss of death. You loose before you even secure a first date. I did it we exchanged a few pleasantries and then it was over...partially because I am stubborn and won't initiate further communication and partially because I am worried it's because he isn't interested. 

Stupid Thing #2:

Cyber stalking potential dates (this is different from #1, you don't friend him on Facebook). So there's this guy who has invited me out for drinks and in a moment of insanity I decided to google him. (thanks Merriam-Webster for making to google a verb) I now know more about him than I should and we haven't been able to find a day that works with both out schedules yet. Perhaps the cyber stalking is also a kiss of death for a potential date.

Stupid Thing #3:

After hiding your exes status from your Facebook feed you occasionally give in to some sick masochistic desire to see what they are up to by visiting their profile. You see what a great time they are having instead of being miserable while you set out to create the life you should have had 5 years ago. No I don't want him back, it's not him I want it's the couple-ness that I miss. I am not meant to be single. And now the douche bag has removed his relationship status from single....to nothing. Not sure what that means, but I am of course left to stew over it and drive myself crazy over nothing. A nothing that shouldn't matter to me at all. But it does.